Thursday, September 25, 2008

To Do List

An important tool to dealing with ADD is making lists. Unfortunately, the nature of ADD presents a multitude of roadblocks to the mere act of creating and using the list that you need to be anything other than a walking disaster. The production of a list of things I need to do, like fold laundry, vacuum, clean the kitchen, has many enemies in my world.

One is my stubbornness. "I know I need to get this stuff done. Why should I make a list?", I ask myself. I often ignore the obvious answer, "Because the list of things you know is the reset button on the old dusty Nintendo you call a brain. The cartridge is in there but its hard to beat the game if the screen constantly goes all staticy."

Another distraction from making a list is that having to make a list of obvious stuff feels a bit like I'm admitting defeat to my own stupidity. I can admit to my own stupidity. I just can't admit that it is winning.

Then there is the matter of remembering. If I remember to make a list I will probably forget everything that I need to put on it. Then I have to remember that I made a list and where that list is. Grocery lists are a nightmare for me. If I actually remember to make one, I get through about half of what we need before I get distracted and forget to finish it. Most of the time then the half-assed list sits on the counter while I have gotten both boys into the car and we are on the way. If I did managed to get the list into my pocket there is a very good chance it will stay there forgotten until I get home to realize that I forgot most everything on the list.

Ironically one of the big distractions to maintaining a list of what I need to do is the ongoing, constantly in flux, list in my head of what I want to do. This isn't me choosing to do what I want over what I need to do. This is random, most often unrealistic, ideas popping into my head punching the "you have an appointment at 10 am" part of my brain in the voice box. What are some of these synaptic bullies running around in my head right now?

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